As parents, we often struggle with the idea of collaborating and negotiating with a younger child. Traditional parenting techniques often equate negotiation with allowing the child too much control. Does this really make sense though?
How do we teach a young toddler? It is natural to engage in play and to support them as they try out new things. We hold their hands and steady them as they learn to put weight on their feet and begin to walk. As they progress, we let them take a few steps unaided but always ready to catch them or pick them up when they falter. We don’t force them into an adult world but rather we join them in their world and support them. Their natural curiosity and desire to learn is what drives them rather than anything we do. Yes, we can encourage them (a lot!) but they are very much in control of how much they learn and when.
As children reach school age, how we teach them changes. We adopt the school-based learning model where children have to learn what is set out for them on the curriculum. Whether they are interested or curious is no longer a factor. As a result, we end up having to introduce artificial motivators such as rewards and sanctions. As traditional parents, we accept that this is just how it has to be.
Really, though, there is no reason not to continue with a style that allows for natural curiosity and where you, as parent, join your child in their learning journey. A style where you collaborate together working towards a shared goal that you have negotiated. In fact, research shows that learning driven by autonomy and intrinsic motivation is much more successful than traditional teaching methods.
If this is true of learning, it stands to reason that it can be true in other areas of life as well. Teamwork makes the dream work!
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