When my daughter was young, I was quite lost as a parent. We had read the parenting books and tried to follow the on-trend advice from so-called “super” nannies. It didn’t work. In fact, it was worse than that. Following traditional parenting advice was actually making things worse. We asked her school for help but all we got was more traditional parenting and trite phrases like: “You just need to cut the apron strings.”
We gave up looking for advice and just did things our own way, learning through trial and error what worked well and what didn’t. We took our daughter out of school because it was easier to teach her ourselves than to fight the system for support (I know we were fortunate to have the resources to do that). At that time, the first book on PDA was being discussed a lot in the home education groups and so, on a whim, I bought a copy. Reading that book was my lightbulb moment.
Suddenly, we had an explanation for why the approaches that we had found by trial and error actually worked! We could, at last, begin to understand what was happening beneath the surface and, as our understanding grew, so we could help, support, and nurture, her all the better. We had affirmation and validation that we were on the right path. Also, we were not alone! Many others were experiencing the same issues and finding the same strategies that actually worked.
When other family members and well-meaning friends questioned our parenting decisions, we had renewed confidence that we could answer those questions and point to research that backed up our approach. This was no longer just us guessing about how to parent. Our approach had real foundations. This confidence led to hope that we could actually bring up our daughter to be the amazing person that she is now.
Some people speak negatively about diagnosis as a “label”. Words like “naughty”, “wilful”, “weird” and “difficult” are labels that we heard in school long before we heard the term PDA. Those labels didn’t help us but PDA did. The diagnosis “PDA” led to better understanding. That, in turn, led to the right strategies, validation, and confidence. And those things made us better parents – giving our daughter the space she needs to reach her full potential. Some labels are important.
The PDA Society posted this question “How did it feel to hear about PDA?” for PDA Action week 2023. This blog is my answer. How about you? What was your reaction on finding out about PDA?