It can take years to get a diagnosis of PDA (if you get one at all). In the meantime, what do we do? Should we use the PDA helpful approaches and confidently tell our family and friends that we know this is the right approach? What if they disagree? What if it is not PDA after all? Am I just letting my child get away with it?
Dr. Ross Greene is a Harvard-educated professor with experience of dealing with children in psychiatric units and juvenile detention centres. He has a simple philosophy for dealing with even the most challenging of children: “Kids do well if they can”. His approach is based on the belief that, if a kid could do well, he would do well. If they are not doing well, something is getting in the way. Why is this mindset important?
This mindset completely changes our role in the child’s life. Instead of focusing on the behaviour and how to change it, we are now focusing on “what is getting in the way?”. We are actively seeking out things that will help us to understand what the problem is and what we can do to help overcome or work around that problem. In this mindset, we are working hard as investigators and problem-solvers.
What if we are wrong? Well, we just keep looking until we find the answer that works. What if it is working? Well, we are not wrong. We might not have found the perfect solution to our problem but we have certainly found a solution.
What happens if we use PDA-friendly approaches with a non-PDA child? Could it cause harm? Generally, no. The PDA approaches have been drawn from wider research that is not PDA-specific. Dr Greene’s approach is not based on any specific diagnosis and the concept of Low Arousal Approaches was developed from work in care settings, again without any specific diagnosis. These are approaches that work for both PDAers and non-PDAers.
What if we are wrong? We are acting out of love and deep compassion. We are constantly searching for what is going on underneath the behaviour and what is getting in the way. We are developing solutions that work for us; and we are developing them together. In doing so, we are building a strong bond of love and trust that gets us through the darkest of days. What we are doing is right; even if the assumptions that led to this approach turn out to be wrong.
Even if we are mistaken, we are still not wrong.