Does that question make you anxious? Many neurodiverse people report difficulties in decision-making. It can be exhausting, overwhelming and anxiety-provoking. Decisions can be particularly difficult if they need to be made quickly, involve talking to others (especially strangers), or involve a change of routine.
Choosing from a menu in a restaurant might raise all three of these flags. Having a meal out is usually a treat rather than part of normal routine. The waiter gives you a limited time after seating you before asking for your choices and you are then expected to tell him what you have chosen. If the menu is a long one, another factor might come into play: options paralysis.
Choosing one option from a long list requires you to reject all of the other options. What if one of the other options is actually better? How can you possibly analyse and evaluate all of the options in the given time? In the fable of the Fox and the Cat, the fox boasts of having many tricks and dodges to escape danger while the cat has only one. When the hunters arrive with their dogs, the cat quickly climbs a tree but the fox spends his time deciding which trick to use and ends up caught.
How can we help? One technique I use with my daughter is to offer her only two or three choices from the menu. This helps her to break the problem down. She is still free to choose something that I haven’t suggested (and often she does). Her choices are not restricted but rather broken down into smaller, more manageable, chunks. In the same way, we can take a large decision and look at it one step at a time. Would you prefer pizza or pasta tonight? Pizza. OK, do you want a meaty one or a veg one? Meat. OK, how about chicken or beef? Ham. OK, do you want pineapple with that? Actually, I want spaghetti Bolognese; just like last time. Great! Do you want to tell the waiter, or shall I?
Photo by Egor Myznik on Unsplash