For most parents, our goal is to raise our children to become successful adults. When we first realise that our precious little one may be autistic, it can come as a shock. Emily Pearl Kingsley described the feeling very well in her essay “Welcome to Holland”:
‘It’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” ‘
https://www.emilyperlkingsley.com/welcome-to-holland
As we adjust to what it means to be autistic, we may well have to abandon some of our plans and dreams for the future. It is natural to mourn the loss of those, but it is also important to realise that our new plans and dreams are not better or worse than the old ones; they are just different. To answer the question “Will my child be successful?”; we must first work out what success looks like for our child. The media would have us believe that success is defined by fame and fortune. They portray the rich and famous lifestyle as the ultimate form of success. The truth is that many rich and famous people are unhappy. Really, success comes in many different forms. Some people enjoy performing on stage and dream of performing to a crowded stadium of fans. For others, being put in this situation is the stuff of nightmares.
What dreams and goals would make your child happiest? Perhaps it is raising a family of their own. Maybe it is pursuing a passionate interest in the environment or wildlife and becoming a renowned expert in their chosen field. Perhaps becoming an outspoken advocate for the autistic community (or another community) is their goal. They may want to become an artist, a programmer, an entrepreneur or an athlete. You can find examples of successful autistic role models in all of these fields and more.
Being autistic is no barrier to success. In fact, some autistic traits such as hyper-focus and tenacity are the keys to success in some fields. At the end of the day, though, isn’t it best to define success as the things that make someone happiest?
Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash